tuesday

things i like about 10 different people:

1. I like the way you call me your your little child. It makes me feel protected and little. It makes me feel so loved and it warms up my little heart every time you say it.

2. I've never met you, but I like the way you seem to hate every living thing.

3. Sometimes I think about the way things might look like inside your head. I like that I know someone who's mind might be completely different from everyone else.

4. Your torso and the way you walk.

5. How you always ask about the things people wear and if I think it looks alright, as if you looked up to me. It's funny because I look up to you so goddamn much.

6. I think I simply like how honest your face is. I wonder what your life really looks like.

7. You're so innocent and a little stupid, but I know you're actually very hard-working and a lovely girl. I wish I knew you better.

8. The fact that I can't really understand what you say sometimes, but I simply nod and laugh, nod and laugh.

9. I like how on fridays you usually wish people a "lovely weekend".

10. Your voice and kindness. You're probably the loveliest of them all.

today

You looked very nervous and suddenly you seemed so much younger,
I loved that I got to see that side of you.

I danced a waltz with hana and talked about boys. It was sunny and warm and perfect.
I ate ice cream with some boys and went home. The bus was very warm.

I cuddled up in a bed with no sheets and fell asleep like usual for two hours or so.
I got on the bus at 4 or so and ate subway with mom in town.

We went to see the spring exhibition of the architect school in lund,
my brother gifted me two round plastic pieces. And a little mirror.

I ate peanuts, strawberries, grapes and drank awful beer.
Mom was tired and we got on the bus back to dalby.

I'm sitting in my room listening to the vaccines
and my mom, dad and brother are sitting in the living room discussing I don't know what.





Have a great week!

little sofia xxx

Sun hands

The weather has been more than perfect
and I've worn shorts this whole week.

I'm quite confused at the moment,
and I don't really know what to do about anything.

I cannot wait till I finally get out of school,
and enjoy this goddamn summer.

I'm sorry if my updating is crap, but honestly, the weathers too nice to be stuck inside writing things on the internet. I might update whenever I have the chance to, so from now on, maybe once a week or so.

Have a fantastic weekend!

why cant shit just be normal

I have so much school work to do its not even funny.
I just wished I didn't have to do any of it so I could finally let go and enjoy the beginning of the summer.
But noooooo, lab shit report, retarded english essay, retarded english speech, some annoying group presentation, book reviews in a language I cant write in and more and more and more shit I do not want to do.

I just want to lay in the sun and read a good book or socialize with people that (dont) like me.
I just want to wake up whenever the fuck I feel like it.
I just want to be able to sleep as late as I want.
I just want to come home late everyday because the sun doesn't set till 9.
I just want to finally get done with school and enjoy my goddamn summer.

Better get started with all the shit I've got to do then.
ciao x

but you, you just know

i dont really know whether i want to keep doing this
ahhh stupid blog

its warm outside but im just sitting here staring at this stupid computer
ahh stupid computer

i have amazing dreams but then i wake up
ah stupid mind

you make her seem so much better than me
ahh stupid you

my head hurts and i feel really strange
ahhhh i hate this

golden day

I haven't done much today. I think I've been lying in bed and watching stuff on my laptop most of the day. I don't know why I don't have the energy to do much more, but I've actually really enjoyed my day.

The summer holidays are so close and the weather is supposed to be amazing and warm and sunny the whole of next week.

I've started to somehow hate the weekends cause I know I won't see you and won't talk to you much, so I actually look forward to school-days.

Gonna lay down and maybe read for a little while and as soon as it gets dark, I'm off to run around Dalby again.

Have a fun friday night, if you're going out. If not, enjoy your bed and a good film xx

the streets will be washed

I didn't have school today.
I didn't sleep at all last night.
So I've kinda been ghosting around the house the whole day.

Dad picked me and Alex up at around 5 today.
We the drove to lund and met pepe.
We all squashed into my brother's flat and ate thai food.

I got back and
Now I've forgotten what I've done since then.

I went for a run,
and I really enjoyed it.
I ran around places where I had never been before.
I ran fast and then slow and then fast and then slow.
I felt quite free and the whole village was pretty much empty.
It was perfectly windy and only my hands were cold.


-----
My brother let me borrow his camera + his friend's stand, so finally you'll get to see a bit more than my stupid writing/whining/obnoxious complaining.

I hope you had a good day xxxxx

i want

hugs
kisses
hands
shoulders
eyes
arms
hands
hugs
shoulders
kisses
scent
hugs
torso
eyes
shoulders
kisses
scent
eyes
torso
hugs

I'm off for a run.
Cannot possibly be this fat.

våga leva

I'm in a really strange mood.
TOdayyyyyyyyyy, I found out that I failed one of my easiest subjects possible and I felt sad.
I saw a girl crying from the window of my bus.
I wondered why she looked so upset and whether she would be happier later today.
I looked into your eyes and they were so pretty.
Today, you looked sad again and I told you "I hope you feel better soon".
I went to yoga with my dad and brother and laughed at my brother while he did everything wrong.
I ate a fantastic salad out in the sun with 3 lovely people.
Today, I got to talk to a friend with long lovely red hair.
I drank havre-chocolate milk.
I saw two little girls with riding helmets, I laughed a little inside.
I hate horses because they smell.
Today, I feel slightly strange.
I ate a nice quick breakfast with dad.
I don't remember last nights dream.
Today, I feel funny inside.
I liked the way her hair smelt.
I found out I have a summer job.

Today was a relatively good day.

AND EXCUSE ME ANONYMOUS, you make no sense thank you
goodbye
still in a weird moooooood

what difference does it make?

My hair is so dirty its not even funny.
I went flee marketing with mom today.
The sun comes in right through my window.
My dad gave me green Chinese tea.
I should drink more tea.
There is exactly a month left till Hultsfredfestivalen.
I saw someone wearing the same jacket you used to have, just today.
I bought a pair of new Cheap Monday jeans for 20kr.
I'm worried I'm too immature for you.
Animal Collective are too damn good.
My parents read my blog.
I should really get into the shower.
My rooms a mess and I neeed to do my laundry.
Your eyes are too lovely.
I saw that girl I dislike today, her fake red hair annoys me.
I need to be fitter for the summer.
The sun is burning my right shoulder.
I like hugs and kisses and big white beds.

Enjoy your sunday cause its monday tomorrow xx

Plants

Hahahaha shit update.
Currently sitting playing videogames with Alex and Viktor.
I'm a bit tired but its relaxing sitting here eating shitty food and listening to the kooks.
Aren't trees so pretty?
Have a lovely Saturday xx





Edit:
What cigarettes do you smoke? Basic, I know. But I'm weird and I'm fascinated by these kind of things.

I've actually decided to stop smoking. It's classy and I romantize it more than I should, but sadly its bad for you and it stinks so bad afterwards and you don't even realize it.

I used to smoke Pall-Mall Blue Long or Marlboro's Beyond Gold.. The malboros are so damn good. Hope this helps?

xxx

Hatred

I feel as if I have to scream for attention sometimes... Don't just stand there come and hug me

oscar always comes back

"Have you ever had a crush on a younger guy? I want to know so I don't seem like such a pedophile."

Hahaha, this is funny because I have, probably plenty of times. I think a bit ago I wrote about Oscar, a boy I was absolutely crazy about when I was 11 or so (he might have been 9), if you're interested read it here.

Anyways, j was more than half a year younger than me and in the end I was absolutely madly in love with him. I must admit he seemed a little immature sometimes and I got annoyed at him because he acted quite stupid, but then again guys also take waaaaaaaaay longer to man up. 

But yeah, you're basically not a pedophile. But just be ready to be like "wtf are you doing?" when he does weird things.

I hope you have a fantastic day xx

hiding place

So.
You know what the weirdest thing is?
You dream about a certain person the entire night and just as you wake up you talk to them. To the real them. It so fucking strange. It's like, well haven't you been here with me the whole time?
Well.
This happened just like, less than 30 minutes ago. It was lovely, because it was you.
Although it was also a little sad, because the part I liked the best was the dream.

Haven't updated the past few days because I haven't actually made the time and I apologize.

Right now I'm sitting in my messy room, with the curtains closed but the window slightly closed. My hair's a mess and I'm starving but I felt like I needed to write a little bit.

I was with Fred last night. Shes so beautiful and so amazing and I just wish that she hadn't left me 2 long years ago. My life would be much different is she was here with me. Things with him wouldn't have been as tough and  she would've said the right things at the right times. I miss you Fred, more than you really think.

This is the second night I dream about you. I can't quite remember last night's dream, but I'm pretty sure I kissed you. And I kissed you tonight too. And we walked together as you had your arm around my shoulders. And ohhhhh how I wish reality was a little different.

I'm really hungry but I don't know what to have for breakfast....... kdsnsadkmasd
Imma go sort myself out and stick some food in my mouth.

I'll update tonight too
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Have a lovely lovely day!

the desk where you sit

This week:

Monday, Valborgs.

Some parts are complete blurs, some parts were horrible but most parts were absolutely wonderful. I spent my day in the sun, with wonderful people and always a little intoxicated.

Tuesday, 1st of may.

You woke me up and told me I had overslept. I laughed and still felt a little drunk.

We had breakfast standing in the kitchen. Went home together and talked about irrelevant things, I went home smiling. 

Wednesday, back in school.

Dunno. Cant remember.

Thursday.

Irrelevant too?

Friday, finally.

Superbowl, a little tired. Cake party with lovely people and some laughs.

Saturday.

Yoga with dad. 

Sunday.

Woke up, ate oatmeal, played videogames, ate lunch, slept with the sun on my body. Woke up. Now.

Going to try to be a little productive and get some school work done.

(first off to continue with my nicotine addiction)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You

I miss you
I don't know what happened to you
When did we lose you?
I feel selfish when I ask for attention,
Because you need it more,
You should get it all.
I don't want to lose you forever,
Please don't do anything stupid,
I can't imagine it.
My entire body feels like it might break,
Just thinking of what is going through your brain.
I feel so helpless
So stupid and young,
Why can I not help you at all?
I wish you weren't so amazingly brilliant,
Because whatever got you,
Is making you throw it all away.
Why can I not help you at all?
All I want to do is hug you and tell you,
"Please be okay, please be fine"
There's no words to explain
How much I care
But how useless I feel when I can't help.
I wonder if you know at all
How much you we all love you
Your smile, your eyes and your lovely laugh.
I miss you,
I wish I could make you be fine.
Be here with me forever. Don't dare leave me.
Please.

4 questions

Are you in love?
No, I am not.
I think sometimes I am, but I'm not. Maybe I will be, I hope so, cause its so lovely. To want to be with the same person, all the time, doing absolutely nothing is probably one of the nicest feelings out there.

What is your favorite band/artist/music right now?
I actually don't know. I listen to music everyday on the bus, or in class, but I don't think there's anything right now that I cannot stop listening to. I think I listen to music mostly in the winter, when I can't go outside and enjoy the sunshine or sit in the park with people. Instead during the winter, I sit and listen to music about the things I will be doing in the summer. Does that make sense? asjdbsad I dont make sense.

Have you and the boy you're writing met up/kissed?
I write about lots of boys/men/guys. So I'm not quite sure about who you're talking about. '
I guess I have met him, plenty of times. Quite often actually.
I've kissed him lightly on the lips actually. I think I started thinking about him after that night.

Who is he? 
This is actually a very difficult question to answer. I guess he is a lovely guy. I always sit and wonder: "Would it be too weird if I just hugged you right now?" but then I think "Yes it would be. Contain yourself, sofia".

Whats the first letter of his name?
Why the need to know exactly who he is? Isn't it much better to wait and see? To maybe figure it out? Lets not ruin the fun!

How old is he?
Definitely not too old. I'm not too sure actually, slightly older than me. Everyone's older than little me.

I should do homework now.
Friday tomorrow xxxxx

rage

sofia, you useless piece of shit.

you have no money
and the little money you have
you spend it on useless shit

you don't care about school
and youre behind in everything

your room is a mess
yet you're sitting here,
about to play videogames.

you're a mess
noone likes you
and you try too hard.

what will become of you?
is this how you will always be?

fioawdlasdn
i just need someone to tell me im doing okay
and that i should stop freaking the fuck out.

bye.

things

 

It turned out that my brother pepe and dad were here last night.
My brother brought me back from nyc the nicest perfume (smells of candy).
Dad brought me some amazing tea from china.

My brothers, mom and dad and myself, sat in the living room for hours and talked, laughed and heard pepe's stories about new york.
We then all ate dinner together like old times and once again, I wished my parents had never split up.

Dad left and soon after I went to bed.


I don't start school till 12 today, so I will get in the shower, read a book, get ready and go to school.

Have a good day x

what a beautiful day

or sort of
now it's not
that good.

i expected
to see my older
brother.

i wanted to hear
about his trip
to nyc.

i wanted to
see the
pictures.

i wanted to
eat together
and talk.

But whatever, it was Valborgs yesterday (school off, today too) and I guess he's just hangover as fuck and really needs sleep.

I had a fantastic day yesterday, so fantastic I don't think I ever wanted it to end.
There was the right amount of alcohol and cigarettes and whatever makes you enjoy life. Everyone looked lovely under the sun and I got to spend time with you.

I sat on the bus home this morning wondering about how much my life had changed because of someone I had spontaneously met exactly a year ago.
How awful I felt and how I thought I was actually not going to be able to feel okay again.
How all I wanted was to be with him again and how he obviously didn't give a shit.
How I sat in my room and silently cried till I fell asleep.

It actually sends a shiver down my spine and makes me slightly sad rereading and spell-checking this. I'm just glad I feel fine and there's no emotional attachment to that someone who made me have some of the worst days of my existence.

I just hope you don't do the same as he did.

Anyways,
Lets not be all depressed and emotional. I think I shall go sit in the sun for a bit now.

Have a lovely tuesday! And go get some sun xxx